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Date: September 30th 1917
To
Miss M. Beastall
From
Fred
Letter

France
30/9/17

My Dearest

I'm back again once more, arrived at the Battery at 8.30 on Fri. night. I had no difficulty in finding the new position, they are just about where I expected to find them.

I should have written last night but had to go on picket until midnight. It was rather mean of them to put me on duty the first night, but it is only what I expected. I've noticed they always do it when a fellow returns from leave.

Oh Dearest I feel as though I can never settle down to this life again, it is awful, heartbreaking. I dare not think that it might be another 16 months before I see your dear face again. It is awful to think of such a possibility. I went on Church parade this morning but I couldn't tell you a single word that was said, I didn't listen. My thoughts were not in France at all. I could see nothing & think of nothing but where we were last week at this time. I cannot realize that I was away for two weeks, it has passed so quick. I feel just as though I had awakened from a dream. it seems as though I only left here yesterday.

Our new camp is right in an open field a long way from a town or village. It is alright so long as the weather lasts, although I'm afraid there will be lots of mud when it rains. However, it is too soon to worry about that yet, for just now the weather is perfect. I have not been up to the guns yet so don't know what kind of a position it is.

The front seems remarkably quiet, but we expect there will be something doing very soon.

Thank you so much, Dearest, for the nice letter that was waitng for me, I am anxiously waiting for another one, I thought perhaps there would be one to-day but was disappointed.

Fritz has shown his usual Sunday activity to-day, but luckily none of his shells came our way. Oh why do we have to put up with this thing for so long? Surely something will happen to bring it to an end quickly.

I expect you would go back to the R.O. on Thursday morning. Have you heard anything more definite about the closing up of the office?

Do you miss me very much Dearest? I cannot put into words how lonely and miserable I have felt since leaving you.

Did I seem very cold Dearest while I was with you? I'm afraid you thought so but Dearest, never think that I do not love you, because I do love you my Darling, more than I can ever put into words. It was hard work Dearest to have to leave you again, it seemed to me as though all the sunshine went out of my life when I had to say good-bye.

Dearest I do need you so much, & even though we are apart my thought are always with you, and I do long for the time when I can come back to you for good. You must think it a terrible long time & get wearied of waiting so long Dearest, & so do I. But let's try to be as cheerful as possible, I know that is easier said than done but there are better times coming & I think everything will be all right, so cheer up my Darling I will soon come back. You'll write me some nice letters, won't you?

Good-night my Dearest
Lots & lots & lots of love & xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
from Your very lonely boy
Fred