13                    “THE O-PIP”

___________________________  

THE O’PIP.

The O’Pip is a lofty place where a man and a lieutenant stand and freeze daily from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. Just why they go there no one seems to know. They never see anything the major expects them to. When a shell comes over the major shouts up the tube: “Where did that one go?”

He is politely informed that "it fell in a field,” which is very enlightening, as the field is a little place like the Plains of Abraham.

If the major asks the locality of a Hun plane he is told " It is up in the sky,” and of course he knows just where it is.

To get to the top of the O’Pip you sometimes have to climb an iron ladder. As you ascend your sleeve folds back to your elbow, and you feel sure that Heinie can see your dazzling gold wrist badge, but you console yourself with the thought that if you get napooed your picture will adorn the pages of your home-town daily. So you should worry!

As we conduct this Magazine ourselves we don’t mind telling you that any discoveries that are made in the O’Pip are made by the men, as the officers are too busy looking at the pictures in “La Vie Parissienne,” or reading Ella Wheeler Wilcox’s poems.

The O’Pip is made of concrete and other things. It is not as high as the Woolworth building, but at times you think it really is, as you hear singing and harp-like music, which makes it sound like heaven. There is a certain sense of expectancy there at all times, and you often regret not taking the necessary precaution of putting the anti-diming powder on your gold tooth.

At the start it was stated that the man and lieutenant stayed up there from 8 a.m. until 6 p.m., but that is not quite right. About 5.30 p.m., after the lieutenant has had dinner, he shouts up the tube:—

“You may come down now, Geams.”

And Geams dismounts.
___________________________ 

Mary: “George writes that he has been in France quite a while, and so far is O.K., though things go whizzing by every minute.”
Agnes: “By the way, what's George doing over there?”
Mary: “Oh! he’s a traffic cop.”

Editor in orderly room talking to his staff: “I wish some jokes would come in.”
Just then every one sprang to attention.

Gunner: “I always thought armour was the bully beef king.”
Driver: “Huh! you evidently don’t know our cook.”